Thursday 24 & Friday 25 November, 2005

Can you be homesick for a place you have not yet left?

If so, then I think I am homesick for England. I ask only cause I am finding that, at odd moments I just stop, as a wave of sadness washes over me and I realise I am close to tears.

The first time this happened was in Paperchase earlier this week. I was wandering around, pretty much aimlessly, when I tuned into the song that was piping through. I slowly realised it was that fluffy Ronan Keating song Lovin' Each Day. For some reason this is one of those songs that evokes in me a kind of everythingiswonderful and iamproudtobepartenglish feeling which I seem to have developed but can not really explain.

Songs that affect me like that have either been used in an English film or telly series at moments of heightened emotion. Like You Get What You Give by the New Radicals. That was used in the last episode of series three I think, of Cold Feet. The one where they go away for New Year's Eve to Lindesfarne. I love that scene, the bright winter day by the sea, all rugged up. So bloody English I love it. Everytime I hear that song it gives me that overwhelming feeling I described above. Am struggling to articulate the feeling to be honest.

I experienced that same feeling the first time I saw Love, Actually in the cinema. I don't know what it was about the film but for the first time I felt proud to be connected to / part of / living in England.

I know I kick against a lot of Englishness that frustrates me but essentially and, ironically, I have become aware that I feel like I belong here. I no longer feel like a stranger. I do not feel like I am standing outside life here. I am inside and better yet, I get it. And the great thing is, I think it gets me.

So the point is I know without a doubt I am going to miss England. For all her foibles, frustrations and fecking idiosyncracies I will miss her.

As I stood in the kitchen this morning listening to Elbow's Asleep in the Back the beautiful Newborn washed over me and I stopped again, stared out the window, let myself feel that odd sense of belonging that I treasure about my life here and felt again the real and the raw feelings of longing for a country I have not yet left.

It's that moment we'd been waiting for.

The Envelope.
No, scratch that. I know it's rude to shout, but...

THE ENVELOPE IS HERE.

The one that says Australian High Commission on the postmark.
The postmark that says "2nd Class".
That pretty much sums up their view of me, I think:
"Mr Toofatfrozz".

With a mixture of excitement and lower abdominal grumbling, I open the envelope. Or try to. My most anticipated letter of recent times and they seal it with sticky tape [(C) Blue Peter 1963].

It's open!

Mutter mutter mumble... "application (Temporary) Partner (Provisional) (Class UF)..." U Fat what? Am I getting just a wee bit paranoid here? "...Visa ...sponsorship by..." blah blah... "you have been granted a subclass 309 Provisional Spouse Visa."

Klunk!!

Ian slumps to the floor. Either from sheer relief or the effects of earthly gravity on his enormous planet-like body. Or possibly the decreased bloodflow to the brain caused by his hardening-by-the-minute arteries.

We're... going!

Lower abdominal grumbling increases. Cue exit.

Wednesday November 23, 2005

That's us at the Elbow gig!

Up until about 45 minutes ago today was the mother of all bad days.

What happend 45 minutes ago? I hear you ask. Well, Ian has noted in his inimitable way how the arrival of a lowly enveloped (sticky taped closed no less) can change your life. At least make it a heck of a lot simpler.

It was only after his call did I realise just how much it was weighing on my mind. That is the difference between Ian and I. I will gleefully get on with it all, refusing to believe that it could all go horribly wrong and internalise it all emotionally. Ian, on the other hand, will think the worst, not give heed to the possibility that it might actually NOT go horribly wrong then be elated beyond words when it all comes together. Somehow I think he got the better deal. Bastard.

Last night I was supposed to bake a cake. I was also supposed to attend a hospital appointment but the less said about that the better. My evening got slightly rearranged as I got stuck at work longer than I intended, the traffic was abysmal (nothing new there then) and I got waylaid in Sainsburys waiting for a taxi that never came because every bloody Manchester United fan in the world was trying to get to Old Trafford. By taxi! My taxi!!

So I got home afte 7pm, dropped the cake making supplies in the kitchen, cooked a quick tea and stared at the telly mutely until Ian got home just before 10pm. Bit of a waste really but I am feeling a little frazzled. Now there is a screaming understatement.

I slept through my alarm this morning for almost an hour and dreamt I was desperately late for an appointment. I rushed around trying to find someone to drive me there and it was all so fraught and rushed and the incessant classical music playing did not help at all. It was only when I woke up from my mad dream did I realise the music was Classic FM (which is not soothing in the lease despite what people say) and it was almost 8am. Bollocks.

Amazing how fast you can get ready when you need to.

Nothing of note at work other than I wandered around the shops with a colleague looking for a silver shirt. Don't ask.

Snow is forecast either tomorrow or Monday which should bring everything to a screeching halt. Amazing what havoc a few little snowflakes can wreck on a country.

We are off to see Elbow at the Apollo tonight - am looking forward to it tired as I am.

Anita and self-imposed an email ban after yesterday's ridiculousness however, like you, I could not wait to hear what became of the lady with the lippy. You ready?

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 17:39
To: Anita
Subject:

Oh my God her friends squealed. So it is true what she said. She is an astronaut!

From: Anita
Sent: 23 November 2005 16:17
To: Claudine
Subject:

She had a mad affair with a beautiful spaceman who looked a lot like Strider from Lord of the Rings - she had only left earth for 3 minutes but was in space with him for 3 years. It was beautiful. She never told anyone about it. But looking up at the stars at night she sometimes wondered what he was up to.

Oh yes, and she still bought the same lippy that the spaceman loved !

Methinks we should end that little saga here don't you?

Tuesday November 22, 2005

Another day. As I look out the window at my own reflection set against the darkness beyond it does not feel like a whole 24 hours since I last posted. Shite where does the time go?

For some bizarre reason both Ian and I slept right through last night. That very rarely happens. Mainly due to excessive snorage on my part! Anyway, woke up to Classic FM's dulcet tones feeling remarkably rested. Got up, got sorted and headed out the door.

Thankfully, the heavy fog that enclosed our street last night in a mist (I swore I saw a man in a top hat and cape lingering in the lamplight)had lifted! It was still bloody cold though.

Got to work after a quick stop at Prêt for my daily strong-skinny-cap and a chocolate croissant (which is not a daily occurrence!).

Hotch potch day at work where I actually accomplished things. Not sure what those things actually are but I feel productive.

I have had a hilarious, ongoing email exchange with my mate Anita who works in our London office about shop assistants.

There are 2 types of shop assistants here in the UK. There is the apathetic I'd rather-be-elsewhere shop assistant who does not give a toss and ignores you or, you get the one who lingers at your elbow frowning as she suspects you are about to steal something.

We are thinking of getting business cards printed that say STOP! I AM NOT A THIEF!!

Actually, here is the exchange which has still not petered out at this point...

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:40
To: Claudine
Subject:

I was in boots when you called I think - no reception on my phone in there. I tried the perfume called Echo - quite nice. The girls at our Benefit counter are unbelievably pushy and I go nowhere near them now!

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:44
To: Anita
Subject:

I had a green-eyed (I'm talking emerald green eye-shadowed monster from hell) get into my personal space at the Red Earth counter today. I said 'no, just looking thanks'. She didn't move from my elbow and asked 'would you like to trying anything?' I repeated 'no thanks, just looking' and eventually she shoved off. Can't bear that!! They either ignore you, look disdainfully at you or attach themselves to your hip!

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:47
To: Claudine
Subject:

I hate they way they follow you around expecting you to steal - I always feel guilty and end up trying to show them I am not a thief, next time they hover I am going to loudly discuss my bad case of shingles.

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:52
To: Anita
Subject:

I ignore them mostly. If they think I'm thieving that's their problem. I guess so many people do steal they have to be vigilant. Makes you wonder what they must think of you eh?

I was looking at costume jewellery in House of Fraser today and the visual display woman was hovering so I tried on every single ring in the tray with my plastic bag hanging from same hand I was putting rings on. She almost frothed at the mouth!

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 15:08
To: Claudine
Subject:

I'm going to steal something one day - just to check if they are really paying attention! I might regret it though once I have been arrested, charged and handcuffed.

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 15:16
To: Anita
Subject:

I think the regret will kick in when your one phone call is to your husband.

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 15:32
To: Claudine
Subject:

Oh god yes! I would want to be chatting to everyone and would only get one call!! I just sneaked back to Boots to buy a lippie I saw earlier - shopgirl came and stood RIGHT next to me and tidied the nail polishes. I AM NOT A THIEF!

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 15:39
To: Anita
Subject:

We should get little business cards made out that say 'I AM NOT A THIEF' and hand them to shop assistants who encroach on your personal space.

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:00
To: Claudine
Subject:

Mine would say:

'Thanks very much for standing on top of me and assuming I will steal anything I am looking at. Back off shop girl.'

Or is that just nasty ?

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:09
To: Anita
Subject:

I just had to explain to a colleague why I laughed out loud. Again. He didn't agree that shop assistants hang around him assuming he'd steal. Maybe its just you and I...

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:11
To: Claudine
Subject:

Perhaps it's just focused on the theft of cosmetics ??

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:12
To: Anita
Subject:

Perhaps.
Perhaps.
Perhaps.

I love that word.

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:19
To: Claudine
Subject:

You can shorten it to Praps or drag it out Puuuuuuurrrrrrrhaps

I need to get out more.

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:25
To: Anita
Subject:

I need to get out more.

::raises eyebrow and reaches for the anti-psychotics::

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:47
To: Claudine
Subject:

I need to get out more.

::Raises glass and reaches for lippie::

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:49
To: Anita
Subject:

She needs to get out more

Her friends whisper while watching her smear the wrong shade lippie across her forehead.

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 16:51
To: Claudine
Subject:

'bet she stole that' they whisper.

From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 17:00
To: Anita
Subject:

As the muttering ensues around her she reaches into her voluminous handbag and drags out a carton of milk. Carefully opening it she...

[By this stage I figured this was not going to end so I left my turn open ended. Anita's response...]

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 17:16
To: Claudine
Subject:

…proceeded to launch her mini missile carefully disguised as a pint of Rachel's Organic milk, she hit the little red button on the side of the rocket and counted down the seconds until lift off...

[If this takes on epic proportions I may have to condense it. Or maybe I'll just see where it leads. Or perhaps I will simply relegate it to the trash. We'll see.]

I think that's enough for today! I must fly as I have a cake to bake for my friend Catherine's daughter, Raili as it is her birthday this weekend and, well, I said I would.

Its a wonder I get any work done at all.

Monday November 21, 2005

Its so foggy today. And everso cold! Not to mention the darkness that fell at about 16.05 this afternoon.

We have taken the dive into Winter and you know what, it is wonderful. And will remain wonderful so long as it stays bright and dry. Cold and clear I can cope with, cold and wet you may as well ship me to Melbourne now. Needless to say I am well aware the chances of experiencing the dreaded cold and wet between now and January 15 are infinitely high!

So today is day 55. That is 55 days left till we leave.

Startling really.

It honestly only feels like the other week we decided the time had come for us to bring our lives here in England to a close and start the next stage of our adventure in Melbourne, Australia.

The reason for this blog was to note the days as they go by in an effort to distinguish them one from the other. I did not want our last days in Manchester to be a jumbled blur. So hopefully with the help of dazefly and the digital camera we can record them as separate, singular events for posterity. Or something like that.

Today then. Having driven back from Edinburgh yesterday after a lovely weekend there I was so tired this morning. I did not want to leave the bed never mind the house! I knew how cold it was outside and the prospect of walking to the bus stop was not one I relished.

I managed to get my act together and, in the end, the walk to the bus stop was not too bad. I managed to chase down a 45 which took me right to Albert Square where the fog obscured both the town hall clock and the big, inflatable Santa that sits astride the town hall roof! Pretty amazing really.

Have not done a large amount of work but I have not skived entirely! I had a nice moroccan chicken and couscous salad lunch after a brisk walk around St Ann's square. Much too cold to spend more than half an hour outside!

Annie here at work finally sold her house after months of it being on the market so she's quite giddy this afternoon. Nothing wrong with giddy I say!

Matt is reading up on Australia as his trip is not far away now. I promised to remember to bring the relevant Rough Guides in for him to peruse. I also suggested he read Dirt Music by Tim Winton before he gets to Western Australia or at least read it on the plane.

Ian is making soup tonight which is spooky as it is just what I feel like. We are supposed to see The Bravery tonight at the Apollo but with seeing Elbowon Wednesday and Paul Weller on Thursday I really don't think so!!